my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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