ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
