wakey wakey hands off snakey
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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