I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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