i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Im part way to drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
