he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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