i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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