Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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