I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
