Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Randomize
