Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she pinky promised me she was 18
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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