you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
