Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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