i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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