you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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