i was born a porn star she said
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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