Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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