Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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