I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
