remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
