Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
