What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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