I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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