It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
