dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You took a bar mat shot.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
