What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
