I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
