I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You took a bar mat shot.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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