She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
