Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
