also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
