I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
