Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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