they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up under a house in Key West
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
