I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
