I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
