so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
