Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
