I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My boob is missing a layer of skin
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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