The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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