How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
