Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
