Someone shit on the floor
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
