piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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