It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
