The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were trust falling into bushes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
