she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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