I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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