Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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