Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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