I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
