Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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