My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Houston, we have a squirter
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my poor anus
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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