We're facebook friends in real life
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
