I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize